The Worst Wii Accessories.
Posted June 1, 2010 by Jallen (619)
Peripherals, most of us have been guilty of picking one up, at one point or another. We know in our heart of hearts that it’ll end up covered in dust, sitting long forgotten on a shelf. You’ll find it one day, long after it has any lost its resale value, and simply shake your head in disbelief.
To make it clear I own a Wii, I’ve enjoyed many games on the Wii but there is a lot of crap out there. I couldn’t do such an extensive list for the PS3 or Xbox 360. Well at least until Move and Natal are released, I’m already getting invitations to see third-party accessories for Move.
So below is a list of twenty, quite frankly, bizarre Wii additions you really don’t need.
To be honest I actually think it looks pretty cool but #1: I already own the Wii Zapper on which this design is based and #2: the Wii Zapper only managed to give me around an hour of play time and made me the envy of my causal gamer friends who loved to play with it. Really it was Link’s Crossbow Challenge that they loved but hey, they wouldn’t have played it without the additional plastic strapped on.
I went a bit off topic there, the point is that no matter how cool it looks it’s never going to be used and at least the Wii Zapper had the decency to keep itself slim so you could easily store it, but where are you going to put this monstrosity?
Ping Pong Paddle Set
The Wii has several different types of this accessory. Above is only the Ping Pong Paddles but you’ve also got the likes tennis rackets and golf clubs that do absolutely nothing. The main advertisement for this type of accessory is that it helps make you feel like you’re playing the real game. It doesn’t’ though does it?
You’re not getting any sort of physical feedback for a start and you’re just waving around (in this case) a large foam-rubber paddle which does nothing but hinder the movement and making you look like a moron at the same time.
Sword and Shield Kit
From the people that were worried about Wiimotes smashing TV’s, and the people that advised you to stay away from carefully balanced vases, people and pets we have the Gladiator Kit. There are a number of different types of this kit but I chose this one because it looked the coolest
Aside from being completely ridiculous I can’t think of one game which that this combo will work for. What game has you control a sword in one hand and a shield with the nunchuk? The Wii barely has any medieval based games, the only game I can think of is Zelda and that doesn’t need this.
Slip Proof Gloves
Don’t you just hate it when you’re playing around with the Wii but you’re so sweaty that the thing just keeps flying out of your hands? You’re not going to be seen wearing the strap though; you don’t want to look silly. So what to do?
Oh I know, let’s get some white finger-less gloves to play the Wii with. According to the advertisement these aren’t only suitable for playing the Wii but also “bike riding, weight lifting and baseball batting”, basically these gloves are compatible with anything you can hold in your hand, amazing!
Inflatable Racing Kart
I’ve never been a fan of racing games to start with, let along enough to pick up a steering wheel to play one on. Some people however do enjoy buying branded steering wheels which have a couple of additional foot-pedals. I guess if you can’t drive or if the only driving your do is in a perpetual traffic jam I can understand the appeal.
This however I can’t, you’re made to sit in an inflatable toy car on the floor which doesn’t even have any foot-pedals. You might be thinking “well it’s just for kids” but it’s also aimed at adults and is able to support up to 300 lbs, that’s one heavy kid. The kicker is that to use it you need some sort of air-pump and that’s just too much preparation work to play Mario Kart.
The Wii Fit has certainly captured the imagination of a lot of people; it’s the whole idea that you can have a gym in your house and a personal trainer that coaches you along. I’m not going to have a go at Wii Fit but most people are living in a daydream if they think it’ll really help them get fit.
So you’ve spent all that money on the Wii Fit, you’re kinda losing interest in it what to do? Spend more money of course. You pick up this “rowing machine” which works like your more traditional non-electric rowing machines but without the durability. It offers increase cardio-work out but if you aim to use it often enough for any benefit then you might as well buy the real thing.
How does that even work? Seriously I’ve seen images of it; people unconvincingly smiling while in mid-swing, but those buttons just seem completely unusable.
The important thing to remember about this accessory is that despite looking like a bowling ball, having holes to grip it like a bowling ball and you have to swing it just like a bowling ball, it isn’t a bowling ball and you should never let go of it. There is even a heavy duty strap on the end just to make sure. So in short you have all the fun of swinging around a heavy object on the end of your arm, if this thing doesn’t break something in your house it might just break your back.
Knockout Boxing Gloves
You have to laugh after seeing that image. Who was this aimed at anyway? Somebody that really wants to get into the workout, so much that they require gloves. Yet somebody whose too lazy to actually hold the controllers in their hands.
To make matters worse using the wiimote must be a massive pain; your right hand can’t use it while your left has a nunchuck strapped to it just to add to the annoyance.
Blast Saber Combo
I love this, simply because it says “Compatible with: Star Wars The Clone Wars and No More Heroes”. How is it compatible exactly? Most things on this list make some such claim and you can kind of see it but with this? This is just a light on the end of your controller. It’s compatible with No More Heroes in the same way that it’s compatible with any game that doesn’t use the sensor.
Like the Sword and Shield Set above, and the fact it comes with two swords, how don’t they see this might be a problem with the children it’s aimed at?
3 in 1 kit for Wii Sports Resort
If the bowling ball idea wasn’t stupid enough lets imbed the controller into an actual Frisbee, never throw the Frisbee mind. Just hold it and swing it around, that’s a good girl. Then you’ve got another useless attachment in the form of a paddle, not connected to rowing machine though so that’s something.
But look at the archery set, what is going on there? You’ve attached a long rod on the end of the nunchuck and a massive bow onto the wiimote for no reason whatsoever. The archery in Wii Resort just doesn’t require a full sized bow to work.
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